Abilene Paradox

Abilene Paradox, a social phenomenon where a group of people decide together on a certain action plan, but actually many or some of the them did not like the idea.

The story goes like this, according to Wikipedia.  

On a hot afternoon in Coleman, Texas, a family was comfortably playing dominoes on a porch, until the father suggested that they take a [50-mile (80-km)] trip to Abilene for dinner. The daughter said, "Sounds like a great idea." Her husband, despite having reservations because the drive is long and hot, thought that his preferences must be out-of-step with the group and said, "Sounds good to me. I just hope your mother wants to go." The mother then said, "Of course I want to go. I haven't been to Abilene in a long time."

The drive was hot, dusty, and long. When they arrived at the cafeteria, the food was as bad as the drive. They arrived back home four hours later, exhausted.

One of them dishonestly said, "It was a great trip, wasn't it?" The mother replied, "actually,  I would rather have stayed home, but went along since you guys were so enthusiastic." The son-in-law sad, "I wasn't delighted to be doing what we were doing. I only went to satisfy the rest of you." His wife said, "I just went along to keep you happy. I would have had to be crazy to want to go out in the heat like that." The father then said that he only suggested it because he thought they might be bored.

The group sat back, perplexed that they together decided to take a trip which none of them wanted. They each would have preferred to sit comfortably, but did not admit to it when they still had time to enjoy the afternoon.

The Abilene paradox is similar to groupthink; however, groupthink individuals are not acting contrary to their conscious wishes and generally feel good about the group decisions. Like groupthink theories, the Abilene paradox theory is used to illustrate that groups not only have problems managing disagreements, but that agreements may also be a problem in a poorly functioning group.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abilene_paradox 

Learning points (at work):

1.  During a discussion, bring up your concerns for considerations.  If the group still decide on the idea, you will have to go along.

2.  Bosses like to hear frank opinions. That's the advantage of teamwork.  Because different people has different strengths, and different people sees things differently.  Only when we speak up, will the boss (and the group) sees things from different angles.

3.  Do not keep quiet at meetings, or always say: "my opinion is the same as what most of them has mentioned."  Even if you think the same way as most of the rest, reaffirm your agreement by stating your reason for having the same thinking.  Bosses assess ability through thoughts and actions.  So, speak up.

4.  If you need to give your disapproval to any suggested idea, do it in a diplomatic manner.  Choose the right words to use, without bringing down the suggestor. Target the strategy, not the person.

Learning points (personal):

1.  When dealing with relatives or friends, there is really no right or wrong, in my opinion.  The best strategy depends on how close you are with the person (or group of people), or even on your mood.

2.  If you do not like the suggested idea, you either go along or say no, if you see no big deal or no big harm doing so, but state your concerns/reasons (if any).  That's being frank and honest.

3.. If your friend gets angry when you say no, even after you gave your reasons, then it is time you deal less with the person.  Remember the rule: "Those who mind don't matter." (see my previous post on this topic).