Meaningful Living

The ability to lie seems to be inbuilt in almost all human beings from young.  It will be interesting to know whether this is nature or nurture.  I do not believe in using lies to cover up mistakes/mischiefs.   When we lie, we are likely to create more lies later on, to cover the previous lie.   At some point, we may forget what we have said and contradict our story and it will come back to bite us.    When we are caught lying, our credibility goes down.  And it will be very difficult for others to trust us again. And the world will not be a nice place to live in, if many people around us are not sincere/truthful. Be brave.   We will find that it is happier if we told the truth and move on.   Don’t let telling lies burden us. Example: Someone is asking you out but you do not want to. Lie : "I am not feeling well."  If we do this, we'd better not post anything on social media or go anywhere for the rest of the day, because we are supposed...

During a couples' quarrel, we often hear “you never understand me!”.  But have we tried to understand the other person first, before we say this? There is a Chinese saying : “When we take a step backward, we see a wider horizon”.   If our goal is to win the argument, the outcome will not be good.   Both sides  have to understand what each other needs, and then try to achieve a win-win situation. It is important to know how to shift gear during an argument, or better still, before an argument starts.  The first trick is to remain calm .  Anger is contagious.  Try not to question, but state feelings .  Example, don't ask "why are you always coming home late?".  Instead, say "I worry when you come home late..." If the conversation does not go well, indicate that a time-out is needed.  We use the time to analyse what the other person actually wants.  Every unhappiness has an underlying reason, which may not be obvious during the a...

What we believe in will affect our actions, and when we take actions , we may see results.  When we see results , it reinforces our beliefs, and we will work harder, and we may see even better results.  Hence, the first step is to believe. When a child believes that he is not intelligent, he will lose interest in his studies.  His results will drop, and he will be convinced that he is not intelligent.  And he further dislikes studying, and his results drop even further.  But when a child believes he can do it, he will start doing, and he sees the outcome, which in turn strengthens his beliefs and he will strive even harder. Hence, to help someone, what we can do is to motivate them to start doing something small.  Let small successes build their confidence and belief, and hopefully, they will spiral up on their own after that.  However, there are other factors in life that may affect the progress of our actions, some of which are within our control, ...

An interesting saying I saw on the internet some time back: “He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool; Avoid him. He who knows not, and knows that he knows not, is a student; Teach him. He who knows, and knows not that he knows, is asleep; Wake him. He who knows, and knows that he knows, is Wise; Follow him.” Basically it means: Some people are ignorant/negative, and they are persistently stubborn.  Avoid them. Some people are ignorant, but they want to improve.  Teach them. Some people have talents, but they are not aware of their potential.  Wake them. Some people are wise, and they are good leaders.  Follow them. What is a wise man then?  In my opinion, they : spend time thinking and reflecting; have good insights on how to deal with people and situations to end up win-win; don't jump to conclusions; sees the larger picture when making decisions; are good learners themselves; don't get angry. So, start looking for the wise men around...

I read somewhere some time back, on what breakthrough the Homo Sapiens (Human species) went through, compared to all other animals, was that we started to think and ask for the purpose of our life while the rest were still only in the survival mode (eat, sleep, reproduce) till today. Some people ask what's the purpose of our life.  Some remarked that since everyone is to die anyway, why the need to work hard.  I, too, have been searching for the answer for a long time.  There is no right or final answer. This is my thinking now.  I feel that the most important thing for human kind is survival of the species (just like all other living organisms).  It will be a terrible loss if the human race were to be wiped out.  All the ingenuities, creations & innovations, art, philosophy, diversities, which are not likely to be replicated by another species on earth. Hence we all need to do our part to ensure that humans will live till the end of time.  Start s...

Hara hachi bu is Japanese, which roughly translates to “eat till eight parts full”.   It is a Confucian teaching that advises us to eat until 80% full, in order to prolong life.    Scientifically, when we eat until very full, we are in fact stretching our stomach , thus increasing the need for even more food intake in the future in order to feel full.   This is a chain reaction.  Hence some people's weight keep going up. Some doctors advise doing   Bariatric surgery (reduce stomach size) which helps reduce food craving. How do we know when we have reached 80% then?  Well, it is not a target.  It is a feeling. We eat till just before we have that uncomfortable bloated feeling in the stomach.  For a start, gauge ourselves during the next few meals so as to ascertain how much food for each of us is appropriate. I drink a glass of water before my meals.  This makes me feel fuller and eat less. Reading Material. Cover pic : Healthy Kueh ...

On a reality TV show, Survivor: Fiji, Yau-man said:  "Love many, trust few, do wrong to none." Love many :   Like the saying goes, "it is privileged to receive, and blessed to give."   There is nothing greater than making others happy, including our enemy.   Enemy?   Yes.   Keep our friends close, keep our enemies closer.   When we keep our enemies happy and close to us, we can monitor what they are doing, keep them off their guard, and this is to our advantage.    But of course, we do not aim to have enemies.  My 'enemies' are those around me who do not follow rules, speak without thinking, or are just not doing their work effectively.  A Chinese proverb: "Know oneself and know one's enemy, and we will win every battle."   Anyway, the bottom line is not about killing our enemy, but about keeping ourselves (and everyone around us) happy. Trust few :   E ven the nicest guy will have his agenda.   In this competit...

In general, fruits are good for us.   They provide us with three main benefits: Vitamins and Minerals, Antioxidants, and Fiber. Over exposure to air pollution, second-hand cigarette smoke, charred BBQ meat, etc produces free radicals in our body.  F ree radicals are unstable atoms that can damage our cells.  Vitamin C is a very good antioxidant that removes free radicals from our body. It also helps to improve our defense system, especially against flu and cough, and some say cancer.  As our body does not produce Vitamin C, we need to take them regularly.  Easy sources would be the Orange, Strawberry, Water melon, Papaya, Pineapple, Kiwi Fruit. Red and purple grapes have substances in them that help fight aging, improve heart health, reduce inflammation etc.  The secret is in the red grape skin (not the white or green type).  Eat the whole grape instead of juices, as juices may have less fiber in them after the extraction process.    V...

Ikigai is a Japanese concept that roughly means “Our purpose in life”, linked to a larger Chinese concept Wuxing (五行).   I do not know enough to be able to fully explain the concepts here.  So it's just the basics.   It is said that we would have reached the state of Ikigai if we are : doing what we are good at; doing what we love to do, and; being rewarded appropriately for the good work that we do, and this work is what the world needs.  I believe that, if everyone does his job to the best of his ability, and stop making noise on how others are doing theirs, the world will be a very good place to live in.  The sad truth is, there are many who are not giving their best at work, and yet complain about how others are not doing a good job.   Do we love what we are doing?  If not, why are we still in it?  Many would  say :"no choice".  Well, is that so?  In the first place, do we know what we love to do? I would encourage ever...

Very often, we hear people say “Sorry, I was busy”, to excuse themselves for something which they did not do or could not do. I make it an effort not to say this.   Because everyone is “busy”.   The difference is how we prioritise tasks. Some people do not have the habit of replying messages and they use being busy as a reason.  I asked some of them, "how much time does it take for you to reply an 'ok'?", and they could see it was a lame excuse. There was once, a colleague said he was busy and could not submit the report on time.  My boss responded jokingly, "you mean everyone else was not busy?" There are those who are willing to queue overnight for a new mobile phone, but not willing to wait an hour at a mobile phone repair shop.  Very often, it is not whether can or cannot.  It is want or don't want.  Remember, it is always better to find ways to get things done, instead of finding excuses to explain why things were not done.  Our bosses ar...